Posts Tagged ‘
taking care of yourself ’
Thursday, June 17th, 2010
Okay, so it’s not really a secret. But it’s something that many, many of us have to be reminded of on a regular basis.
The key to leading your own life–on your own terms–is owning your choices and making choices every day that align with who you want to be in the world, what you want to accomplish and what your priorities are.
Often women are reluctant to really step fully into a leadership role, both personally and professionally. But when you do–when you embrace the fact that you are a strong, competent, knowing, loving, creative woman–you look at your life choices from a more strategic, big picture vantage point.
- Are you getting caught up in the day-to-day details to the point that you can’t see the forest from the trees anymore?
- Do you find yourself feeling like you don’t have the time, energy or money to do the things you say you want to do?
- Are you making choices out of default or habit, not really thinking about whether they serve your highest good?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, there’s a good chance that you are not fully owning your leadership role in your life.
Quick Tips to Jumpstart Your Life Leadership TODAY!
- Take a few moments to write down your top 3 priorities at this point in your life.
- Now list 2-3 goals or things you’d like to focus on within those areas (they could even be feelings you’d like to foster).
- Close your eyes and imagine yourself floating up in a hot-air balloon. As you go higher and higher, look down on your life below as it is today. Do a check-in as to what you see. What’s working? What’s not working? Consider whether this vision of life, as it is today, supports the priorities, goals and feelings you indicated earlier.
- Stay hoovered above a bit longer, take some deep breaths and ask yourself, “What choices do I have before me that I could start making now to move my life vision closer to where I want it to be?”
- Sit and listen to your heart, inner guiadance and Higher Spirit for a bit and then immediately right down what feels clear, present and meaningful to you.
Remember, life is about choices. YOU have control over YOUR choices. If you are making excuses for choices that you are making that aren’t working for you, you are the only person who can change that.
Want support in becoming the leader in your own life? Contact me with your questions or comments, or to schedule a Life Leadership coaching session.
Tags: conscious, Enjoying Motherhood, executive moms coach, leadership skills, Nicola Ries Taggart, quality of life, self-care for moms, taking care of yourself, working moms
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Wednesday, November 25th, 2009
During this time of year, it is common to hear people comment about needing to “just get through” the holidays due to the added stress of shopping, decorating, planning, attending and hosting parties, family visiting and traveling. But what about focusing more on enjoying the holidays and less on “getting through” them?
Before things get too crazy, consider 10 tips for calming the chaos of the season so that you can enjoy the holidays more and stress less.
1. Slow down. Have you been one to say, “I just need to get through this month?” If so, stop what you are doing right now and think about how that feels. Slow the pace down, even just a bit, and recognize that you have control over how the next month goes.
2. Breathe. Now that you’ve decided to slow down, it’s important that you actually breathe. Whenever you feel the pressure increase or the negative thinking appear, take three deep breaths and remember that you get to choose whether these days feel crazy or enjoyable.
3. Get clear about what the purpose of the season is for you. Is it to give gifts or get gifts? Is it to honor your religious traditions? To connect with family and friends? To rejoice in life? Connect to what this time of year really means to you. Hold that purpose in the forefront of your mind as you make decisions about what gifts to buy for whom and which events to say yes to attending.
4. Set your intention as to how you want to BE this season. Now that you know what the purpose of the season is for you, declare how you want to be. Do you want to be joyful, peaceful, inspired, or connected? Or do you want to be stressed, grumpy, frazzled, or distracted? There may be some family or work obligations that you feel you just can’t say no to. However, you can choose how you will show up and what you will put out into the world. Choose wisely, as we attract what we project.
5. Focus more on the “I want to’s” and less on the “I should do’s”. Many of us operate out of obligation, whether we know it or not. Make a list of all the things on your plate this month. Next to each item mark whether you really want to do it or you think you should do it. If you don’t like to do it and you don’t want to do it, challenge yourself to strike it from your list.
6. Simplify. You don’t have to do it all; and you don’t have to do it all perfectly. Streamline your plans; shorten your gift-giving list; ask for help; eliminate the excess.
7. Set gift-giving guidelines. This goes hand-in-hand with the idea of simplifying. When you figure out what you want to do and determine how you are going to go about doing it, you simplify the entire gift-giving process. Agree with the relatives that you will exchange only one toy per child. Discuss the idea of doing something with family instead of exchanging gifts that no one wants. Determine how much money you want to spend based on your budget before you begin shopping. Go in with a plan and the process will feel easier and more enjoyable.
8. Shoot for connection, not perfection. When we get caught up in doing it “just so” we all too often are focused on the wrong things. Whether you are decorating the tree, making a holiday meal with your mother-in-law, picking out gifts, or ordering the holiday cards, what is important is the connection you are making with the person or people involved. Let your child hang the ornament wherever he likes, use the time in the kitchen to ask your mother-in-law about her youth, pick out a gift for someone from your heart, and consider what you want those receiving your holiday card to feel when they open it. Whether any of those things turn out perfect is less important then the memory you are creating and the relationship you are nurturing.
9. Give a gift to yourself. This is the season for caring, sharing, and loving. Why not turn a bit of that in your own direction? Instead of waiting for someone else to get you the perfect gift, why not give it to yourself? I am not talking about a material gift, although maybe that would be nice as well. Instead, I am talking about the gift of time. Give yourself some time to slow down, breath, relax, and rejuvenate. It’s the gift that will keep on giving as you will feel more positive and energetic and better able to enjoy the holidays.
10. And did I mention slow down and breathe?
***This is a re-post of an article written and shared in previous years. Since I get such a positive response each time, I thought it was worth offering again.
For more tips on calming the chaos of life in general, get my free special report for busy, working moms.
Tags: conscious, Enjoying Motherhood, holiday stress, holidays, Nicola Ries Taggart, self-care for moms, taking care of yourself
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Monday, October 12th, 2009
If I had a dollar for every time I heard a busy, working mom say she wishes she had more time for herself, I’d be up there at the top of the Forbes Wealthiest People list.
Honestly, I’d be one of those moms contributing a few dollars myself.
The truth is that we have the choice of whether we dedicate some of our time to our own self-love and self-care or not. We are the primary obstacle in our own way of having the time for ourselves. We are saying YES to so many other things that by default we end up saying NO to our own self-care.
Even if you are super busy working, parenting, managing life and relationships, if you really wanted some time to focus on YOU and your needs, I know you could find it. It’s going to require you to say NO to some other things and YES to your own self-love. Are you up for the challenge
Weekly Coaching Challenge: Dedicate 30 minutes each day to YOUR self-love and self-care. This requires you to *choose* YOU instead of something else.
Example: last night I read a book in a hot bath instead of getting on the computer. It was 30 minutes of relaxation that did not require me to think, do or be anything for anyone else. I slept GREAT afterwards! Share what self-love/self-care choices you make this week.
If you don’t think this is possible or you feel unable to do this, let me know! I’d love to hear (and challenge) your reasons why. Remember that life is a series of choices. The more conscious and deliberate you are with making choices that support your priorities, the happy and more peaceful you will feel.
Tags: coaching for moms, conscious, Enjoying Motherhood, executive moms coach, improving sleep, quality of life, self care, self-care for moms, self-love, taking care of yourself, working mom
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Monday, October 5th, 2009
Q: I am finding it hard to get household chores done because we have so many activities. How do I get into a schedule so the chores become a part of my weekly routine? Also, I plan to quit smoking this month. Any tips on how to successfully accomplish this goal?
A: I have LOTS of tips  ….I’ll throw some out here.
First, congrats on deciding to stop smoking. I know you can do it!!
- My first tip is to declare yourself a “non-smoker.” If you happen to have a smoke in the future, you can then say to yourself, “Wow, that’s so un-like me since I am not a smoker,” as opposed to thinking of yourself as a smoker trying to quit who just messed up. Think, “how would a non-smoker act in this situation? What would a non-smoker say to herself in this situation.” This is a time when you have to act “as if” you are what you say you want to be. Non-smokers don’t buy cigerettes. They don’t take smoke breaks. They don’t hang outside the bar with other smokers. You get the point.
- Also, along the same lines, come up with a positive affirmation around your decision to be a non-smoker and repeat it to yourself as often as you can, and especially when you find yourself thinking about having a cigarette. Something like, “I am so happy and proud of myself now that I am a non-smoker” or “I am so happy and proud of myself for making choices that put my health first.” You’ll want to find something that resonates with you. Whatever you choose, you want to keep it in the positive and in the present, as if it’s happening now.
- You’ll need to reprogram the old habit of smoking to a new, better feeling habit, and that takes approximately 28 days of consistent action. Find something else that will be your “go to” whenever you think about having a cigarette. I had one client that would walk whenever she wanted one. Even in the house, or airplane or where-ever….if she wanted one she’d start walking and the change in the action from smoking to walking helped her create a new association. You can also do something like wear a special bracelet (or even a rubber band) to look at every time you want to smoke.
- Probably the most important tip is to share with as many people as you can that you are now a “non-smoker” and ask for there support in this decision. Be accountable to them and use them as support when you find making the change hard. And if you have friends or family who can’t support you in this (i.e. if they smoke and aren’t also quitting), you may want to seriously consider keeping your distance for awhile. Surround yourself with people, places and circumstances that will help make this change easier, not harder.
- Find a new outlet for your stress release. Smoking is a stress-release habit (and, unfortuatnely, an addictive one) for most. Create a new (more positive) habit that helps you release stress. When you find yourself feeling stressed, anxious, upset or overwhelmed, what will you do insteadof reaching for a cigarette? Have a plan in place before the need arises.
Okay now for some tips for keeping up with house chores and being over-scheduled with activities:
- Make a list off all the regular activities you have or you have the kids signed up for and determine if there’s even just one you can put on the back burner for now. Our generation tends to over-schedule ourselves and our kids, creating more chaos in our lives.
- Create a schedule around the housework. Whether it’s doing 1-2 things each day over the course of the week, or having a NO ACTIVITY day (or half day) each week when you stay home instead and get the work done, creating a regular schedule will make it easier to stick to. You can then tell yourself and others, “today is my vacuum day” or “today is my domestic goddess day”.
- Include your spouse and children in the schedule. What chores can you plug them into so that you are all sharing the responsibilities of keeping your family life less stressful and less chaotic. Make them part of your “success team” so that the burden doesn’t fall on you alone.
- Make sure that on those days, you use some of the easy distractions (like Facebook, games, talking on the phone, etc.) as your reward for doing one or all of your scheduled tasks.
I believe that the greatest gift we can give ourselves and our families is a peaceful home. That requires us to be mindful and make choices that add to the peace and calmness (like staying on top of chores, decreasing outside activities, etc.) and decrease the chaos and stress. Are you being mindful in your choices each day to support your life goals and the way you want your life to feel (in this case, it sounds like the goals are to increase health and decrease chaos).
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Do you have a question or challenge in your life that is impacting your ability to be your best in both worlds? Use the contact form to submit your question and you’ll either receive a personal response from me or I’ll post the response here!
Tags: best of both worlds, changing bad habit, creating schedules, household chores, mom coach, over-scheduled kids, positive affirmation, quit smoking tips, quiting smoking, taking care of yourself, tips for moms, working moms coach
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Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009
I am a compassionate person. I know I am. If my best friend called me right now and told me about the frustrations of her day or her insecurities about herself as a mother or business professional, I’d be the first to tell her I know she’s doing an excellent job — the best she can — and that she is being too hard on herself.
But today was one of those days when having compassion for myself was not so easy. In fact, I have a whole long list of things I should or shouldn’t have done.
- I shouldn’t have let me daughter watch so much TV.
- I should have come up with a creative project to do with my daughter.
- I should have interacted more with the baby.
- I shouldn’t have laid down for that 20 minute nap.
- I should have been more focused during the brief amount of time I had for work.
- I shouldn’t have eaten that pumpkin bread…or those cookies…or the rest of my daughter’s cookie.
- I should have written a blog entry yesterday, and the day before, and the day before.
- I shouldn’t have spent that money on the pumpkin bread and cookie we didn’t need.
- I should have made a better dinner.
- I should have gotten the house tidied up.
Ok, you get the picture. I’ve been “shoulding” on myself all day long. Not to mention I haven’t been cutting myself any slack. And what I have found is that I am not alone.
I was talking with a high-level executive with a large company the other day who was beating herself up for all that she hasn’t done in her job over the past year since having twins. She returned from maternity leave with the plan to be SUPERMOM. She would continue operating in her fast-paced position as she had before kids, while at the same time being the perfect mom and wife. Not surprisingly, she was completely overwhelmed and feeling terrible about where she was in her career.
Although we identified some concrete steps for her to take to communicate honestly with her boss about how she was feeling, regain her focus in her current job, potentially begin looking for a new job that was more family-friendly and she enjoyed more, the first thing I asked her to do was have some compassion for herself. She had survived the first year of life with twins and was feeling good about her role as a mother and still had a strong marriage to speak of. She’s obviously been doing some things right and, I am convinced, doing the best she could.
When I asked her what she would tell her best friend if she had been in the same situation, she knew immediately that she would tell her she’s been doing a great job and that perhaps she has too high of expectations for herself.
So why is it that we can so easily and effortlessly provide compassion for those around us, but not for ourselves?
I work with women who are high-achieving, successful, productive, competent, professional and driven. Up until the point they have kids, these qualities have gotten them where they are in their career. Once they have kids, these qualities don’t just go away. In fact, for many, they intensify. The expectations and standards we put on ourselves in both our professional lives and our personal lives are at a level so high that we either feel like we are failing if we aren’t meeting them or we are overwhelmed and exhausted if we are (or at least trying to).
Tonight I am practicing compassion…on myself. My husband can tell me until he’s blue in the fact how great of job he thinks I am doing (which I appreciate) and I know that if I called my best friend right now and told her about my day she would also have compassion. But most importantly is that I cut myself some slack. I know that if I did (or didn’t do) all those things I listed above day after day that I would not be where I want to be in life. But I also know that it’s okay to have a day when the TV is on more and you aren’t as interested in playing with the kids and the dinner is just a simple meal on the table and you don’t get done more for work and you eat some sweets and the house doesn’t look so clean.
Tomorrow is a new day and I am doing the best I can. Now it’s time to cut myself some slack with a glass of wine!
Tips for practicing compassion in your own life:
- Consider whether you are trying to be SUPERMOM and what exactly that looks like to you. Is it time to redefine success in your life and create an image of SUPERMOM that is much more manageable (and fun)?
- When you find yourself beating yourself up for something you did or didn’t do, ask yourself, “Is there anything I can do about it now?” If not, move on. If so, make a plan to do it different from that point on.
- Determine whether the thing (or things) you are beating yourself up for are every-once-in-awhile things or actual bad habits that you want to change. If they are habits you want to change, make a plan and ask for help in sticking to it.
- Play the “what would I say to my best friend” game. If you find you would be understanding and compassionate to your best friend if they were in the same situation then you know you are being too hard on yourself.
- Consider what you are modeling for your kids. If you don’t cut yourself any slack then don’t be surprised if you notice your own children being extra hard on themselves.
I’d love to hear your thoughts about being compassionate with yourself. Do you find it easy or challenging? Any additional tips on how to practice more self compassion?
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Tags: Enjoying Motherhood, executive moms coach, motherhood, Nicola Ries Taggart, quality of life, taking care of yourself, WAHM, working moms, working moms coach
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Wednesday, May 6th, 2009
On this week’s Working Mom Wisdom BlogTalkRadio show I discussed the topic of the importance of sleep when it comes to self-care for working moms.
Although women may know that getting consistently “good” (i.e. quality and quantity) sleep is important to people’s health and well-being, actually doing something about improving their own quality and quantity of sleep is a whole other matter.
During today’s show, I talk about some of the societal beliefs around sleep and the importance of questioning some of those, while at the same time being mindful of the strong medical and scientific evidence around the impact that sleep depervation has on people’s physical, emotional and mental health and well-being.
I also go through an exercise to help you determine what are the primary culprets keeping you from getting the sleep you know would help you function at your best and how you can create a plan to change those habits that may be sabotaging your sleep needs.
Tags: improving sleep, motherhood, Nicola Ries Taggart, SAHM, self care, self-care for moms, sleep, taking care of yourself, WAHM, working mom, working moms
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Monday, April 27th, 2009
This week’s Working Moms Wisdom Blog Talk Radio show http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Nicola-Ries-Taggart will be focused on the topic of self-care and self-love for busy, working moms.
This is such an important topic, and one in which nearly every mother I know struggles with in her life. Even as I sit here and write this blog post, I know that I really should be lying down with my feet up for a bit after having some pre-term contractions last night, which prompted a trip to the doctor’s office this morning.
All is well with the baby. The doctor’s orders are to take it easy and rest today. But of course that has felt easier said then done as I have a lot of work I need and want to do.
So, in an effort to listen to my body (and my doctor), as well as practice what I preach, I will be off for a bit of a rest as soon as this is posted—I promise!!
Why is taking that time for self-care so challenging for us moms? One reason is because we are natural care-takers, but for everyone else except ourselves. We thrive off of taking care of other things for other people. Perhaps that trait has helped us become successful in our careers and as mothers, but where does that leave our own health and well-being?
Another reason is the intense internal pressure we put on ourselves to do it all and be all things to all people. Add on top of that the societal pressure and messages we get on being Super Woman and trying to do it all, all by ourselves.
But how well can we really give to our job, our kids, our spouse, our friends, etc.—when we are so depleted within ourselves. We can sure try (and I know plenty of women who do), but you only end up exhausted, resentful and unhappy.
Think of it this way. When we take some time (even just a few minutes here and there) to fill ourselves up, we are better able to give to others.
What are some things you do for yourself? Do you provide self-care and self-love to yourself on a regular basis? Do you take a yoga classes? Go out with friends? Get pedicures? Go for walks? Read a book for pleasure?
If you do some of these things already, what’s one more thing you can do for yourself this week?
If you can’t come up with anything that you do on a regular basis to take care of you, but instead can come up with a list of things you’d like to do for yourself, pick one to incorporate into your life TODAY!
And then join me this Wednesday, April 29 at 10:00 a.m. PT (1:00 p.m. ET) as I discuss this topic further and share some tips for making more time for self-care in your own life. To listen to the show LIVE or download after the fact, go to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Nicola-Ries-Taggart. Or be a part of the conversation by calling (347) 838-9658 and pressing 1 to make a comment or ask a question.
Tags: Nicola Ries Taggart, taking care of yourself, working mom, working moms
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