Trying to force yourself into someone else’s box or path is a sure-fire way to squelch your creativity. Yes, there’s lots of great information out in the world on any topic you choose (life, love, career, business, kids, etc.), but so often I find that women get caught up in trying to find all the answers from others and feel they should ”do it” the way someone else says it should be done.
This short audio blog discusses the topic of creativity and how you can use what you learn from others to either inspire or limit it.
Okay, so it’s not really a secret. But it’s something that many, many of us have to be reminded of on a regular basis.
The key to leading your own life–on your own terms–is owning your choices and making choices every day that align with who you want to be in the world, what you want to accomplish and what your priorities are.
Often women are reluctant to really step fully into a leadership role, both personally and professionally. But when you do–when you embrace the fact that you are a strong, competent, knowing, loving, creative woman–you look at your life choices from a more strategic, big picture vantage point.
Are you getting caught up in the day-to-day details to the point that you can’t see the forest from the trees anymore?
Do you find yourself feeling like you don’t have the time, energy or money to do the things you say you want to do?
Are you making choices out of default or habit, not really thinking about whether they serve your highest good?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, there’s a good chance that you are not fully owning your leadership role in your life.
Quick Tips to Jumpstart Your Life Leadership TODAY!
Take a few moments to write down your top 3 priorities at this point in your life.
Now list 2-3 goals or things you’d like to focus on within those areas (they could even be feelings you’d like to foster).
Close your eyes and imagine yourself floating up in a hot-air balloon. As you go higher and higher, look down on your life below as it is today. Do a check-in as to what you see. What’s working? What’s not working? Consider whether this vision of life, as it is today, supports the priorities, goals and feelings you indicated earlier.
Stay hoovered above a bit longer, take some deep breaths and ask yourself, “What choices do I have before me that I could start making now to move my life vision closer to where I want it to be?”
Sit and listen to your heart, inner guiadance and Higher Spirit for a bit and then immediately right down what feels clear, present and meaningful to you.
Remember, life is about choices. YOU have control over YOUR choices. If you are making excuses for choices that you are making that aren’t working for you, you are the only person who can change that.
Want support in becoming the leader in your own life? Contact mewith your questions or comments, or to schedule a Life Leadership coaching session.
Is there something within you that is feeling called to take a leap, make a change or step out in the world in a bigger way? It’s so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day details of life, to focus on what’s not working and simply complain about it to others instead of doing something to make things better.
I recently found this inspiring video that serves as a reminder to follow that calling and take that step. Even if you don’t know exactly what you are being called to do or where the step is leading you, trust that you are heading in the right direction and that as you head down the authentic and courageous path of that calling, you will feel inspired and fulfilled like you could never imagine.
I had a great conversation with Phoenix Ries, a licensed professional counselor (and my step-mom!) who has 30 years of experience working with children and parents, as we discussed the gift you give your children, your family and yourself when you apply age-appropriate structure and routines to your childrens’ lives. We talked about the top three signs that you probably don’t have enough structure or the right structure for your children and what the long-term negative affects this can have on children as they get older.
We’ve all heard the saying before, and yet for some reason it’s so easy to forget this truth when we are busy parents.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe words speak volumes as well. However, when it comes to our most important relationships—with our spouse, our children, those we work with and for, and those who work for us—the most powerful influence is when our beliefs (what we think), words (what we say) and our actions (what we do) are aligned.
Take my children for example. I’ve been aware lately that my actions do not necessarily always communicate that which I believe is important and say to others is important—for me, my children and my family. I’ve been thinking about the fact that if my children just went by my actions (or modeling) alone they could easily be picking up on some not-so-great habits, such as:
Always putting others first, even when you are exhausted and have nothing more to give.
Expressing frustration and resentment when you keep giving to others, even when you have nothing to give.
Not taking time for self-care, such as showering, exercising, eating right and quiet time alone.
Emailing/Tweeting/Texting on the computer or phone instead of being present with whom and what is around you.
Procrastinating on that which you know needs to get done in order for life to run smoother and be more enjoyable.
Trying to do too much on your own and all at the same time.
Not clearly communicating or clarifying expectations with those around you, but then being frustrated and resentful when the expectations are not met.
Wow, as I see those in writing and contemplate how I would feel if my own children (especially my daughters) picked up these habits from my modeling, my heart sinks.
If I believe self-care is important and necessary in order to be a healthy and happy woman, what actions would model that for my children?
If I believe that taking care of myself is important so I can better care for others, what actions would model that for my children?
If I believe that it is important to be present in our relationships and spend some time each day giving our undivided attention to our key relationships—with self, spouse, children, work team—what actions would model that for my children?
If I believe that creating structure and routines around my day supports me in reaching my goals and being the type of person I want to BE in world (content, peaceful, present & productive), what actions would model that for my children?
Coaches Corner:
Think about modeling in terms of your life. Take a few minutes to reflect as to what you are currently modeling for your children in terms of the most important areas of your life: self-care, relationships, money, career, inner peace, etc.
If your children learned just from your actions alone, what not-so-great (i.e. bad) habits would they be picking up?
What are you saying to them through your actions (or inactions)?
How would you feel if your children started doing (or not doing) these same things–tomorrow, five years from now or when they are adults?
Well, I did it. I went a week without a computer, Twitter, Facebook or reading blogs. Okay, I did turn on the laptop a couple of times, but apparently the Universe was watching out for me and adamant in supporting my intention to DISconnect electronically in order to REconnect with my family over Christmas week as each time I tried, it failed to connect to wireless. Okay, I can take a hint.
I made the decision before we left for our 10 hour drive to Oregon that I was not going to post to Twitter and Facebook during our holiday break. I will admit that there was the one photo of the three kids I posted on Christmas morning, but other then that, I found it pretty easy to DISconnect.
The week off from connecting with people virtually really did help me REconnect with my immediate and extended family. I was more in the moment with what was going on, not thinking about what I was going to post or Tweet about. I enjoyed the down time more. When riding in the car (did I mention 10 hours…one way?), instead of pulling out my Blackberry to check or post on Facebook or Tweet, I talked with my husband, sang with my kids and enjoyed the scenery. Hey, I even READ A BOOK!
Did I enjoy REconnecting with my virtual friends after that week? You bet!
But what I’ve noticed over the past couple of days is the contrast in how present I am with the people physically around me when I am on the computer or my phone tweeting, texting or checking out Facebook versus when I am not.
Don’t get me wrong; these are all great things and I believe that they can support personal and professional lives. However, my challenge to myself and to you is to take a technology break at least once a week, even for an entire week sometimes. Schedule into your life some times when you are DISconnected from your virtual friends in order to more fully REconnect with those that right in front of you–your kids, your husband, your friends in your community, even yourself
Today’s audio blog message is based on the previous blog entry, Calming the Chaos of the Season, in which I share some tips for doing less and being more this time of year.
Don’t think you have time to listen? Remember, it’s only 15 minutes long. Perfect for the busy mom. Take a few minutes just for you!
During this time of year, it is common to hear people comment about needing to “just get through” the holidays due to the added stress of shopping, decorating, planning, attending and hosting parties, family visiting and traveling. But what about focusing more on enjoying the holidays and less on “getting through” them?
Before things get too crazy, consider 10 tips for calming the chaos of the season so that you can enjoy the holidays more and stress less.
1. Slow down. Have you been one to say, “I just need to get through this month?” If so, stop what you are doing right now and think about how that feels. Slow the pace down, even just a bit, and recognize that you have control over how the next month goes.
2. Breathe. Now that you’ve decided to slow down, it’s important that you actually breathe. Whenever you feel the pressure increase or the negative thinking appear, take three deep breaths and remember that you get to choose whether these days feel crazy or enjoyable.
3. Get clear about what the purpose of the season is for you. Is it to give gifts or get gifts? Is it to honor your religious traditions? To connect with family and friends? To rejoice in life? Connect to what this time of year really means to you. Hold that purpose in the forefront of your mind as you make decisions about what gifts to buy for whom and which events to say yes to attending.
4. Set your intention as to how you want to BE this season. Now that you know what the purpose of the season is for you, declare how you want to be. Do you want to be joyful, peaceful, inspired, or connected? Or do you want to be stressed, grumpy, frazzled, or distracted? There may be some family or work obligations that you feel you just can’t say no to. However, you can choose how you will show up and what you will put out into the world. Choose wisely, as we attract what we project.
5. Focus more on the “I want to’s” and less on the “I should do’s”. Many of us operate out of obligation, whether we know it or not. Make a list of all the things on your plate this month. Next to each item mark whether you really want to do it or you think you should do it. If you don’t like to do it and you don’t want to do it, challenge yourself to strike it from your list.
6. Simplify. You don’t have to do it all; and you don’t have to do it all perfectly. Streamline your plans; shorten your gift-giving list; ask for help; eliminate the excess.
7. Set gift-giving guidelines. This goes hand-in-hand with the idea of simplifying. When you figure out what you want to do and determine how you are going to go about doing it, you simplify the entire gift-giving process. Agree with the relatives that you will exchange only one toy per child. Discuss the idea of doing something with family instead of exchanging gifts that no one wants. Determine how much money you want to spend based on your budget before you begin shopping. Go in with a plan and the process will feel easier and more enjoyable.
8. Shoot for connection, not perfection. When we get caught up in doing it “just so” we all too often are focused on the wrong things. Whether you are decorating the tree, making a holiday meal with your mother-in-law, picking out gifts, or ordering the holiday cards, what is important is the connection you are making with the person or people involved. Let your child hang the ornament wherever he likes, use the time in the kitchen to ask your mother-in-law about her youth, pick out a gift for someone from your heart, and consider what you want those receiving your holiday card to feel when they open it. Whether any of those things turn out perfect is less important then the memory you are creating and the relationship you are nurturing.
9. Give a gift to yourself. This is the season for caring, sharing, and loving. Why not turn a bit of that in your own direction? Instead of waiting for someone else to get you the perfect gift, why not give it to yourself? I am not talking about a material gift, although maybe that would be nice as well. Instead, I am talking about the gift of time. Give yourself some time to slow down, breath, relax, and rejuvenate. It’s the gift that will keep on giving as you will feel more positive and energetic and better able to enjoy the holidays.
10. And did I mention slow down and breathe?
***This is a re-post of an article written and shared in previous years. Since I get such a positive response each time, I thought it was worth offering again.
If I had a dollar for every time I heard a busy, working mom say she wishes she had more time for herself, I’d be up there at the top of the Forbes Wealthiest People list.
Honestly, I’d be one of those moms contributing a few dollars myself.
The truth is that we have the choice of whether we dedicate some of our time to our own self-love and self-care or not. We are the primary obstacle in our own way of having the time for ourselves. We are saying YES to so many other things that by default we end up saying NO to our own self-care.
Even if you are super busy working, parenting, managing life and relationships, if you really wanted some time to focus on YOU and your needs, I know you could find it. It’s going to require you to say NO to some other things and YES to your own self-love. Are you up for the challenge
Weekly Coaching Challenge: Dedicate 30 minutes each day to YOUR self-love and self-care. This requires you to *choose* YOU instead of something else.
Example: last night I read a book in a hot bath instead of getting on the computer. It was 30 minutes of relaxation that did not require me to think, do or be anything for anyone else. I slept GREAT afterwards! Share what self-love/self-care choices you make this week.
If you don’t think this is possible or you feel unable to do this, let me know! I’d love to hear (and challenge) your reasons why. Remember that life is a series of choices. The more conscious and deliberate you are with making choices that support your priorities, the happy and more peaceful you will feel.
One thing that having a new baby has taught me is to take the moments when I am nursing or he is sleeping in my arms to just enjoy the time and relax. I have found that the more focused I get on what I could be getting done instead or what I am not getting done, the more anxious and stressed I get. When I let go and take the time as the gift it is and just relax and be present, I feel much, much better.
We just got back from a few days in the Russian River area for a mini family vacation. My husband and I both agreed to keep the trip “technology free” as much as possible. For us this meant no laptop, no Facebooking or Tweeting and no email. We both had our phones with us and we both caught each other checking them a couple times, but for the most part we were “unplugged.”
What I noticed during this time was initially a bit of uncomfortableness. Sounds silly, but I had to continue to give myself permission to relax and be okay with not necessarily doing anything or being plugged into anything. I almost felt guilty not having anything that I had to do. Just sitting on the back deck under the Redwood trees, sipping a glass of wine and listening to the kids play in the yard was enough, and yet sometimes it didn’t feel like enough.
I was thrilled to have this Zen Habitspost sent to me by my sister-in-law when I returned. It goes to show that I am not the only one who could use some practice in relaxing (and enjoying the relaxing) a bit more.
Some suggested steps on how to relax more from Zen Habits:
Take 5 minutes to go outside for a walk. Breathe the fresh air.
Give yourself more time to do things. More time means less rush.
After work, get outside, take in nature, run around if you can.
Now we are back home and I am committed to continuing to blend the Art of Productivity with the Art of Relaxing. For life is most enjoyable when you are able to experience and enjoy both.
Coaches Corner:
Are you focused too much on productivity and could use a dose of relaxation in your life?
Are you so focused on what needs to get done that you are neglecting the Art of Relaxation in your own life?
When you think about relaxing for a bit, what thoughts and emotions come up for you?
I challenge you to consciously relax this week. Use some of the tips from Zen Habitsor come up with your own ideas and see how it feels.
************************ Want more tips for calming the chaos at home?
Simply provide your name and email in the box at the upper left and you will immediately have access to 20 tips for busy, professional moms to be feel more present and productive, at both work and home.
