“Actions speak louder then words.”
We’ve all heard the saying before, and yet for some reason it’s so easy to forget this truth when we are busy parents.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe words speak volumes as well. However, when it comes to our most important relationships—with our spouse, our children, those we work with and for, and those who work for us—the most powerful influence is when our beliefs (what we think), words (what we say) and our actions (what we do) are aligned.
Take my children for example. I’ve been aware lately that my actions do not necessarily always communicate that which I believe is important and say to others is important—for me, my children and my family. I’ve been thinking about the fact that if my children just went by my actions (or modeling) alone they could easily be picking up on some not-so-great habits, such as:
- Always putting others first, even when you are exhausted and have nothing more to give.
- Expressing frustration and resentment when you keep giving to others, even when you have nothing to give.
- Not taking time for self-care, such as showering, exercising, eating right and quiet time alone.
- Emailing/Tweeting/Texting on the computer or phone instead of being present with whom and what is around you.
- Procrastinating on that which you know needs to get done in order for life to run smoother and be more enjoyable.
- Trying to do too much on your own and all at the same time.
- Not clearly communicating or clarifying expectations with those around you, but then being frustrated and resentful when the expectations are not met.
Wow, as I see those in writing and contemplate how I would feel if my own children (especially my daughters) picked up these habits from my modeling, my heart sinks.
If I believe self-care is important and necessary in order to be a healthy and happy woman, what actions would model that for my children?
If I believe that taking care of myself is important so I can better care for others, what actions would model that for my children?
If I believe that it is important to be present in our relationships and spend some time each day giving our undivided attention to our key relationships—with self, spouse, children, work team—what actions would model that for my children?
If I believe that creating structure and routines around my day supports me in reaching my goals and being the type of person I want to BE in world (content, peaceful, present & productive), what actions would model that for my children?
Coaches Corner:
Think about modeling in terms of your life. Take a few minutes to reflect as to what you are currently modeling for your children in terms of the most important areas of your life: self-care, relationships, money, career, inner peace, etc.
- If your children learned just from your actions alone, what not-so-great (i.e. bad) habits would they be picking up?
- What are you saying to them through your actions (or inactions)?
- How would you feel if your children started doing (or not doing) these same things–tomorrow, five years from now or when they are adults?
Please share your comments!
Tags: conscious, Enjoying Motherhood, executive moms coach, improving, leadership skills, Parenting Advice, self-care for moms, skills, working moms
Wow, Nicola, you have really hit home for me!
I know how important it is for me to walk my talk, especially since I am a coach to Moms and regularly ask them to show through their actions that they are acting from a place of alignment with their values. And I also know that at home, I let myself slide into old habits that are not at all in alignment with my own!
My children are incredibly observant and insightful (aren’t they all?) and lately they’ve been very VOCAL about what they see in me. I am reminded by them when I’m not walking my talk and it stings to hear it! Talk about Mom guilt.
I’m hearing the wake-up call and I thank you for taking it one step further; if my kids give up on reminding me that what they see is not healthy and instead start imitating my behavior, I will be heartbroken. I want much, much better from and for them. And so I have even more reason for taking care of myself and acting from a place of heart-centered balance.
If it’s good for Mama, it’s good for babies. Oh yeah.
Thanks for putting this out there so beautifully.
Amy
Remember to live the SWEET Life: Sleep, Water, Eating, Exercise & Tranquility. That will take you far in having the energy and balance in your lifestyle to model the behavior you want your kids to see.
I’m guilty of being distracted by the computer, rather than interacting with my kids when they interrupt me. But am I being a distant parent, or am I teaching them patience and not to interrupt others?
I’m also guilty of procrastinating, but I’m not sure how aware of that they are. At the same time, one thing that bugs me is when we are rushing out the door, due to procrastination. I’m getting them dressed; I’m brushing their teeth and putting on their shoes because we don’t have time for them to do those things themselves: We have to go! I want them to get themselves ready and out the door, but I know that I need to give them more time to do so.
Thank you for sharing something so important. beautiful!
Wonderful article.
One of my biggest struggles is the negative thought “gee, I’ve already blown this goal” so I rationalize not continuing to pursue it. For example – teaching my kids more housework skills – with a teen and a ‘tween it’s getting late in the game.
Any ideas for that sort of thinking?
Thanks for the comment, Suzanne. I do think that we can teach our children some good lessons around patience and the fact that sometimes we as parents have other things we need to do or want to do then just take care of their needs. Like with everything, it’s a balance and it’s about being intentional. If you intend to get something done on the computer when your kids are around, tell them that and communicate your expectations about how they will act and when you will be done…and then stick to it.
And I understand about the procrastination part. I have to remind myself how good it feels to have my kids be self-sufficient in getting themselves ready and for us to get out the door and to our destination on time and how bad it feels when I procrastinate or add one more thing to do before leaving and we get out the door stressed and late. It’s all about making conscious choices, which is not always the easiest to do!